How the Five Love Languages and Attachment Theory Shape the Psychology of Love

The five love languages were trendy a few years ago.

Everyone was trying to figure out their love languages, their partners' love languages, their friends' love languages, and their family members' love languages through quizzes on Buzzfeed, social media, and other websites so they can better give and receive love from their loved ones.

But what most people don't know is the research, the background, and why the five love languages are truly important in psychology.

In today's blog post, we'll discuss the research behind the five love languages, how they are actually linked to attachment theory in psychology, and what both can tell us about why we give and receive love the way that we choose.

ORIGINS OF THE Five Love Languages

If you've been on social media these past few years, you probably already know that the five love languages are:

• Acts of Service

• Physical Touch

• Quality Time

• Gift Giving

• Words of Affirmation

But you may not know where they originated and that's what we're here to answer today. Dr. Gary Chapman, a Baptist Minister, had been working with couples experiencing marital issues and it was through his sessions with these couples that he discovered that there were five different love languages. He published these findings in his 1992 book, The Five Love Languages.

How the love languages relate to attachment theory

The five love languages are closely related to attachment theory. Psychological research has shown that our relationships with our primary caregivers during childhood are closely correlated to how we prefer to give and receive love. Psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's research in the early 1900s through the 1950s is what shaped what we call attachment theory today.

Attachment theory states that there are four attachment styles that can be combined to identify our preferences in giving and receiving love. The four attachment styles are:

• Secure

• Anxious

• Avoidant

• Disorganized

For example, if you're securely attached, you might enjoy giving and receiving love in all five love languages. If you're anxiously attached, you might prefer words of affirmation from partners, friends, family, and employers to validate that you're appreciated. Or if you're avoidant, you might prefer gift giving, physical touch, and acts of service because it's an easy way to show that you care without being too vulnerable.

Conclusion

We hope this blog was informative and we'd love to hear more about which love languages and attachment styles resonate with you in the comments! Make sure to follow us on Instagram @voicesmeetminds to keep up with our latest posts.