The past is addictive when the present is in anguish. The future is pasted in the rearview of our minds. We’re aware but the hope for what could be better gets drowned by the ghosts that haunt us. It’s as if that ringing in our ears we hear becomes a faint sound that trickles behind each step we take. Trickles. Rouge-like blood. The very core of our being gets refreshed with the veins leading to the heart that pumps our soul.
The soul is a mysterious entity. Some may argue it doesn’t have an entity and is just a flowing energy that courses through the world. Ring ring ring. Do you hear that? Close your eyes and melt away all the noise of the world. What is it that makes us whole? Orpheus believed it was love. A faint feeling that grows and connects us. It makes us feel seen and whole. Let’s delve into that essence that we don’t but desperately want to look back and not forget.
Wet mascara, smudged shadows, and a quivering smile. That’s how I look when the sun sets and the day of putting on a performance comes to a dwindling end. Endings are taught at a young age to be sweet and lovely. However, when we grow older, that reality settles into our lives differently. Life is not as flowery and romantic as art makes it out to be. I don’t discount the highs that we experience. However, we can’t forget about the lows that bring us those highs. In the end, we act in a childish manner when we are young. Then, we transform like a blossom that came from a budding form into a flowery bouquet. We feel the sunshine, rain and air that fills our stems. The soil ingrains into us the beauty of the world and our soul is showered with kindness. There may be glimpses of rotting depending on the location of your seed that birthed you into being. However, the trajectory will eventually happen. Earlier or later…someday it will.
When it’s said and done, that lust becomes love if watered constantly. Consistency. That’s what I have always longed for. I wish upon the gleaming and sparkling starry skies. My petals shine with tenacity because the drive I hold to keep going is rooted into my core. My soul, no matter if it’s a spiritual entity or not, has always been there for me. Even when the wind blows, nothing can fully phase me after I have been battered by the ever-so-lasting dreams that drained away in tunnels and manholes.
Humanity made these structures to keep us safe and warm. From the individual houses to the complex apartments that we built. High and low we see the lights from every window…even if we don’t focus on them all. We think we are unique from each window and skyline. However, if one looks closer and towards the inside of us all, we aren’t so unique after all.
A woman who took care of me when I was once close to death helped me learn this lesson: What keeps us apart is the feeling that we are separate and different from each other in some-way-shape-or-form. However, we are all able to be connected if we dig deeper. Take a step further. To truly, wholly, understand each other.
And that. That is what I find beautiful. It is the imperfect subconscious feeling that we may call love. It digs deeper into the perishing soul of our minds. The ghosts in their graveyards that don’t appreciate it and rattle our bones? That isn’t love. Love is holding the other leaf, petal or root and saying, “It’s okay, I understand.” That is true love and the beauty of our world.